Surviving the Holidays with Dysfunctional Family: Tactless Comments and Rude Behavior

by Melissa J | More from this Blogger

09 Nov 2006 01:47 AM

So you've prepared for the battle zone knowing you don't go it alone, but with Christ in your heart. Fear and anxiety overcome you as your vehicle rolls up to your family's home. You say a quick prayer, "Lord Jesus, go before me now; help me to speak only what You would have me speak. Help me to see these people through Your eyes." You walk in the door and are greeted by smiles and a couple hugs. Seems everyone has made themselves at home chatting, eating their deviled eggs and veggie assortment; yes, everyone seems comfortable and content except for you.

It could be your defenses are already up since, after all, you're expecting a battle. But nothing happens. Uncle Joe asks how you have been since he's last seen you. You smile and share with him the gist of your past year. You suddenly realize you're feeling a bit more comfortable. As Aunt Susie comments on how pretty your sweater is, you thank her graciously and offer to help her with preparation for the main course. The evening goes beautifully, nothing like you expected. No one felt the need to be catty. You thank the Lord for the experience.

This is how I hope your visit goes. Unfortunately, even when we pray, people still have free will. There's not a whole lot you can do about the actions of others, but there is something you can do about your own. The Bible tells us a fool is known by his many words. Aside from the smile and brief hello to those who have not acted appropriately in the past, perhaps it would be best to veer toward family that you can trust. If someone should be malicious in action, if at all possible, be gracious. If someone should say something inappropriate, be innocent if you can. Please go over the following Biblical scripture, and store what you need in your heart. I've found them helpful in situations such as these:

• "A fool has no delight in understanding, but in expressing his own heart." (Proverbs 18:2)

• "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God." (Matthew 5:6)

• "But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you." (Matthew 5:44)

• "Let not corrupt word proceed from your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace on the hearers." (Ephesians 4:29)

• "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice." (Ephesians 4:31)

• "Therefore be imitators of God as dear children." (Ephesians 5:1)

• "Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, amongst whom you shine as lights in the world." (Philippians 4:5-7)

• "Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time, let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one." (Colossians 4:4-6)

• "But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes knowing they generate strife. And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel, but be gentle to all able to teach, patient." (2 Timothy 2:23-24)

• "But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you are blessed. 'And do not be afraid of their threats nor be troubled.' But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give an answer for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear." (1 Peter 3:14-15)

• "...How they told you that there would be mockers in the last time who would walk according to their own ungodly lusts. These are sensual persons, who cause divisions, not having the Spirit. But you beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life." (Jude 1:18-21)

May the Lord be with you and guide you. Let your light shine!

Prior: Preparation

Next up: Going Home with the Right Heart

Scripture references are quoted from the NKJV.

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brystro (299) 09 Nov 2006 02:32 PM

The scriptures you reference can also apply to any conflict or prelude to battle, if you will. Great job.

Lisa P (24013) 23 Nov 2006 06:09 PM

Wow! What wonderful information - thank you so much!

Grammi58 (396) 25 Nov 2006 09:58 AM

Hope your Christmas is a good one this year. I, too sometimes feel like I don't want to be at someone's house for Christmas(or any holiday). Espiecially someone who a year prior is rude to me or my family. Have a Very Merry Christmas to you & your family