Surviving the Holidays with Dysfunctional Family: Preparation

by Melissa J | More from this Blogger

08 Nov 2006 01:40 AM

I'm creating a three part survival kit here. Perhaps you can relate to this family's situation:

The holiday time seemed to be more stress than enjoyment with one couple. Since decreasing contact with some of their extended family, and spending more time with the other, things have been a tad more peaceful.

Prior to having children, a certain young couple was able to endure, hoping the current year would be better than the prior one. The wife watched her husband become moody every year around November due to the stress of the upcoming visits. After the gatherings (usually around Christmas time), both would leave feeling broken and humiliated. They would promise not to put themselves through it the next year, but always managed to anyway trying to keep their chins up, and as the woman's grandma would say, "kill 'em with kindness".

After having children, they were certain things would change. Not much did though. There is still stress. It no longer requires either of them popping a Xanax though. The family didn't change, the young couple did.

Whether you're dealing with coldness from family, entering a home which was once abusive or neglectful, are asked to attend gatherings that involve heavy drinking and cursing, or visiting family that is seeking redemption, then I pray you'll hold claim to some scriptures I'll be sharing within this blog series.

If your families are not true Christians, keep in mind whose territory you are charting on! In preparation for your visit, first things first, you need to forgive your family. They might truly be blind to their sin. You need to ask God to forgive you for any bitterness you've held against them.

• "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15)

Be sure to ask for His guidance in words and actions while you are around family. Prayer is powerful! Next thing that needs to happen is strapping on the armor of God; so here it is for you:

• "Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God..." (Ephesians 6:11-17)

Here are some other verses that I hope will be helpful:

• "Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. Repay no evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as it depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord. Therefore 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in doing so you will heap coals of fire on his head.' Do not overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans 12:9-21)

• "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)

• "And you will be hated by all for my name's sake. But he who endures to the end will be saved." (Matthew 10:22)

• "Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong, Let all that you do be done in love." (1 Corinthians16:13-14)

• "Let your gentleness be know to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:5-6)

• "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)

Next up: Tactless Comments and Rude Behavior

Then: Going Home with the Right Heart

Scripture references are quoted from the NKJV.

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brystro (299) 08 Nov 2006 09:34 AM

For some reason, I can really relate to this.

Grammi58 (396) 25 Nov 2006 10:03 AM

I, too do not like to go to functions(whether family or not)is there is going to be heavy drinking, smoking, or bad language going on. I would rather stay home & invite people over. At least I know there won't be any alcohol served. I feel that Christmas can be stressful(some years I don't look forward to it). Then I have a daughter who reminds me otherwise.